For many today the word submit is a highly offensive term. Some go so far as wanting to take it entirely out of their wedding vows, in spite of God’s instructions. Through the apostle Paul, God tells wives to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). What does that mean?
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines submit as “to yield to governance or authority … to yield oneself to the authority or will of another … to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.” Submission is yielding, consenting to the authority of another, in this case to her husband. Submission as God intended is something that must be given, not something that should be demanded or enforced. Within marriage, it is an act of love and respect!
God clearly gave the man the role of leader in the family (Ephesians 5:23; 1 Corinthians 11:3). It is important to note that husbands are charged with submitting to the authority of Christ. (God gives the husband further instructions for his role in the family, which we will discuss in an article on the man’s role.)
A wife is not to submit to her husband’s abusive or ungodly behavior, and a husband must not demand submission from his wife to yield to any of his abusive or ungodly behavior. But when both roles of submission are being righteously lived, it is far more likely that there will be peace and harmony in the marriage.
An example to follow
The Proverbs 31 woman has often been held up as the premier example of a woman, wife and mother. What can we learn from this section of Scripture about the woman’s role?
In verses 11 and 12 we read that she has her husband’s complete trust, because he knows she will not do anything that would damage their family. This kind of trust and understanding would not happen without an open line of communication between them. In her submission to her husband she works together with him to fulfill their family goals.
So we see she is trustworthy.
The phrase “her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” in verse 23 means her husband is a respected member of the community. This is instructive because it would be less likely if she were to bring shame on him by her words or actions.
She is honorable.
The praise from her husband (verse 28) reveals the strength of their relationship and his appreciation for her work. She is genuine and has a heart of service. She is a keeper or protector of their household—their family (verse 27).
Her love and care for her children is also evident. She looks out for their needs (verses 15 and 21) and makes sure they have good food and appropriate clothing. The fact that her children praise her (verse 28) shows they have been taught respect for and appreciation of the efforts of others.
She is a loving mother.
This strong woman has an impact well beyond just her own family. She is fair to those who work for her (verse 15), helps those less fortunate (verse 20) and is always wise with her words, never falling into gossip or foolishness (verse 26).
She is a godly woman.
This woman also has a good head for business. We read that she buys a field, makes a profit and then invests in a vineyard (verse 16). She even has her own business (verse 24) and is competent with all the aspects of manufacturing and marketing. She is diligent and industrious, and we can see why her husband trusts her so much!
She is wise and resourceful.
What we find is a picture of a strong, confident and godly woman. She recognizes her talents and uses them well. While she is involved in many activities both inside and outside the home, the center of it all—the hub around which everything revolves—is her family.
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