Loving a Fatherless Man. What EVERY woman should know.

“It is far easier to build strong boys than it is to repair broken men.” –

 Frederick Douglas

 RESPECT FOR A WOMAN IS ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS A FATHER CAN SHOW A SON.- Mimi

Men are wired to “model” behavior. 

A father’s main role in a home is to provide a “model” for a young boy to follow. He shapes his son’s masculinity, integrity and character. He influences his son’s understanding and treatment of the opposite sex. He prepares him for purpose and trains him to understand his role as a man. When a father is absent a boy must formulate his manhood out of thin air. While many single mothers have done a tremendous job of bringing up boys, a woman cannot give a boy something she has never possessed; authentic masculinity.

A generation of Fatherlessness has produced; broken promises, broken families and the rejected hearts of boys who have become broken men.What role should a woman play?

A man’s deepest question will always center on his performance, “do I measure up?” A fatherless man wrestles with this soul question in an even greater way. While a woman cannot validate a man’s masculinity she can certainly further wound him. When we constantly criticize, control, critique and verbally diminish our men, we inflict greater damage to their souls. A man will rarely offer his strength where he perceives it will be met with ridicule or failure.

 “Fatherless boys spend up to 80% of their time with women. They don’t know how to act when they grow up. This directly affects the relationships between the sexes. Men become more helpless, like big kids.” – Sociologist Peter Karl

 How can a man offer what he was never given?

A fatherless man often times has never had his significance validated by another man. For many of these men, the deepest question of their soul remains unanswered, “Do I have what it takes?”  He has grown up never hearing one powerful, life-altering phrase, “well done” from his father. These men can often become driven, chasing public success, accolades and affirmation. But their “ache” is a private one it will never be healed by outward success. Fatherless men may fall into passivity in their relationship, refusing to offer their strength and leadership where their women need it most.  A man’s core role is to provide, protect, lead and cover his family.  But when he has not had a father to teach and set a tangible example for him, his entire family may suffer.

“Fatherlessness is the greatest social problem facing society today. When you cut off the head, the body falls.” – Filmmaker Andrea Wiley, if we choose to date these men, how do we deal with their difficult behavior? Here’s a few tips to help:

1. Get him feeling confident – Make him feel confident by talking about your feelings a lot, especially when he’s made you happy. Let him know he’s doing a good job as your boyfriend, which is the reinforcement he’ll need so he can feel secure in his role.
2. Find out how he expresses his feelings – Don’t be afraid to ask him if he’s uncomfortable talking about his feelings. Maybe he’s better at writing how he feels, or has specific actions that show how he feels. Make him comfortable with showing his emotional side in the best way you can, as this will make him less confusing and you’ll be on the road to understanding him better.
3. Try to reverse roles – Sometimes a man won’t lead if he isn’t put in the position to. If he’s a momma’s boy, he’s used to a woman being in control, so try to be more submissive with him. Let him make important decisions, cook dinner, run the errands, handle finances, etc. This will give him more responsibility and allow him to take on more of a masculine role.

So, when dating a fatherless man, be prepared for the emotional roller coaster that he may put you through as he learns how to be a man. To be truthful, you’re doing the job that his father should’ve done a long time ago. Frederick Douglas stated, “It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Some men with daddy issues are broken, so try to build him with your love, sweat and tears. It won’t be easy, but if he’s a good man, it will always be worth it.