In thinking about my last relationship, there was nothing wrong with my ex as a person. In fact, the sudden ending to the relationship surprised many people. The public break-up was only a manifestation of a private process I had been experiencing for a couple of months. In 2008-2009, I was growing closer to God and thirsting for His word like never before. While my ex was a member at my church, he was not ready to make a full commitment to Christ. It would be unfair for me to expect or require something of someone who was not ready. I truly believe that each of us has our own stories and God deals with us differently. However, it was CLEAR that God was dealing with me THEN. I realized, I had never consulted God about the relationship; better late than never but still 2 years late. So in consulting God, I found that the relationship was NOT God ordained and that it had to be ended (this was not as easy for me to do as it is for you to read).
To ordain is to enact or enable by law, to confer holy orders upon or to destine or predestine. In other words, God ordained relationships are relationships that God himself approves of. This is not restricted to spousal relationships but extends to all relationships with friends, mentors, church leaders etc. We serve a God who cares about every facet of our lives and carefully plans our lives down to the very hairs on our body (Mt 10:30). Given His attention to detail, I believe he deeply cares about whom we choose to spend our time. The people we surround ourselves with should always push us closer to Christ.
For me not to consult with God before entering into my last relationship was WRONG. When we as believers tell God that we submit to HIS will and HIS way, we cannot leave out our dating lives or friendships. I have decided to relinquish control of ALL my relationships. If God does not approve of any of my relationships then they simply have to END. Point Blank. Period. It is never easy to accept the instruction to end a relationship but I also do not want to know the consequences of not obeying God’s instruction.
These are a few ways to find out if your relationship is God ordained:
- Pray. You should never make a decision without consulting God first. You should certainly not make decisions about who you will spend your life with – without Him. Failure to do so could cause unnecessary heartache, pain and frustration.
- Consider if this person is bringing you closer to Christ or a hindrance to you growing closer to Christ. If the person you are with or considering being with is a distraction then they are not for you! Christ should never lose his seat as the #1 priority in your life.
- Consult with a trusted and wise spiritual mentor about the relationship. Yes, this means you have to open up to someone other than your friends. This person should be someone who can be trusted to give you unbiased truth.
- Pray. I cannot emphasize how important this step is. THEN WAIT for an answer – please don’t go with the temporary butterflies you feel. You don’t want to make permanent decisions based off of temporary feelings. (PS. YOUR FEELINGS DO LIE!)
It is my prayer that this piece will help you to think deeper about the relationships that you are in, are getting ready to enter into or have already had. It is never too late to consult God about decisions we have made independently. It is better to ask late than to never have asked at all.
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