By: Anthony Moore
“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” -Tony Robbins
Relationships are perhaps the most important foundation for your life.
If you have great relationships, there’s virtually nothing that can defeat you, or even discourage you. As prolific author Frank Crane once wrote, having a close friend “doubles every joy and halves every defeat.”
But if most of your relationships are shallow and superficial, it doesn’t matter if you have the most “successful” life imaginable — everything still rings hollow if there’s no one to celebrate with.
As part of a recent study, The National Science Foundation (NSF) asked 1,500 people how many friends they had that they could talk with about their personal troubles or triumphs.
1 in 4 said they had no one to talk with. That number doubled when they took out family members.
Two thirds of Americans say they’ve lost more than 90% of the friends they had 10 years ago. Many Americans can only claim to have 2 close friends — maybe less.
Why do most people have mediocre relationships — or none at all?
Why are most people on track to never have great relationships?
Because they can’t be bothered to learn how.
“In order to get to the next level of whatever you’re doing, you must think and act in a wildly different way than you were before.” -Grant Cardone
Most People Can’t Be Bothered to Learn How to Communicate
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” -Ernest Hemingway
When my wife Kimi and I were in premarital counseling, we read a book called The 5 Love Languages. That little book has made us 1000x closer to each other.
Maybe you’ve read the book before. In a nutshell, the book says every person loves, and wants to be loved, in 5 ways (with 1 or 2 main preferences):
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Gifts
Everyone loves — and wants to be loved — in these 5 ways. But the reason most people continue to have mediocre relationships is because they just can’t be bothered to learn how the other person wants to be loved.
Not knowing how your loved ones want to be loved is extremely dangerous. This is where the deepest, most profound disconnects can happen, things like:
- The workaholic father who buys his children anything they want — except all they really wanted was a dad who came to baseball games
- The husband who never really wants to talk — but is always in the mood for sex
- The friend who is more attentive to their smartphone than whatever you’re talking about
Most people can’t be bothered to learn how to communicate with and love their friends/partner the way they want.
As long as you never learn how you want to receive love — and learn how those around you want to receive it — you’ll always have mediocre relationships.
Communication is hard. It takes empathy, focus, and conscious effort to give your friend the attention they need.
But isolation and loneliness are far harder.
The reason your relationships are mediocre is because you haven’t learned enough about communication.
“If you keep living like the way you are now, you will continue to produce the same life you already have.” -Jim Rohn
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